Here’s THE Perfect Summer Gym Routine, Had We Remembered A Sports Bra

Published In Reductress 6/17/15

Calling all workout warriors! Whether you’re looking to rev yourself out of a regimen rut or supercharge your summer sweat, this 6-step routine will take your shape from drab to fab in no time, as long as you don’t "pull an ‘us'” and forget a sports bra. Oops! Our bad.

    1.    Beleaguered Butt Kicks: First things first, warm up those glutes and hammies with a few rapid-fire kicks to get things moving. Or literally kick yourself for forgetting a sports bra. Ugh! Meanwhile, we're still in the locker room rummaging through our bag, negotiating the logistics of making a bra-less workout work.

    2.    Just-Can’t Jumping Jacks: 10 sets x 2 minutes will get your heart pumping. Unfortunately, there’s quite literally nothing more humiliating or physically uncomfortable than jumping up and down repeatedly without a sports bra on, so you have fun. We’ve already vacated the gym and are sitting in a Starbucks with the newest People and a mocha frap. Whatever. It’s a light frap. Healthy.

    3.    Shameful Suicides: Stop looking at us like that, like we’re lazy. Just imagine us attempting to run without a sports bra, getting all sweaty, our underwires digging into our ribcages. Listen. Had we not forgotten a sports bra, we’d definitely be doing these rapid lap repeats at our maximum speed with 30-second codlins in between. Unfortunately we’re just going to have to keep sitting in this air conditioned Starbucks because we forgot a sports bra. So jealous. Have fun!

    4.    But-I-Would Burpees: Simply jump up, squat, kick your legs out behind you, bring them in, repeat… if you’re not us. Because we heard one time from our friend’s sister that repeated jumping up and down without a sports bra causes sagging. Yikes! Doesn’t that sound horrible? It’s honestly too bad because we were sooooo ready for a workout today.    

5.    Really-I’d-Join-You Russian Twist: We admit you can probably do this move without a sports bra, as it only involves sitting and moving slightly from side to side, and sure we’re by now home and have space in our apartment, plus we bought this really expensive floor mat, but honestly at this point we’re just going to watch a rerun of “Teen Mom” and have a lie down because it’s been a day, you know? The effort of walking back from the gym was pretty much a workout.

Now pat yourself on the back, champion! With your workout out of the way, you have the rest of the day free to check off all the other items on your to-do list, like pack a gym bag for tomorrow. Oops! Looks like we forgot socks!