Published in Reductress, 1-30-15
We’ve all been there: you’re totally over your ex, you never think about him at all, and you realize your life is infinitely better without him in it. But then again, how is he going to know all of that? Duh, write an article for a widely read publication about it. Follow these steps and he’ll be getting the message once and for all:
Write an article about it. You’re over him (really this time), so it’s time to put it out there in a reputable online publication. The Internet is so public and permanent that this declaration of independence will be associated with your byline forever—or at least longer than his new relationship with that blonde girl (Details of relationship unclear. May just be a roommate’s friend.).
Hope he reads it. Now that you’ve written that you’re totally over him and are doing great on your own and picked back up all your old hobbies and made time for the people you love and wondered how you dated him for so long, you must hope that he finds it. First step: Share the article to Twitter, Facebok, Tumblr, and to all the supportive people who were there for you and taught you how great your life could be on your own. Even though you’ve unfollowed him on all social media platforms (and that is just one more sign that you’re over him, to be clear), he still follows you (looks like it didn’t even occur to him to unfollow you) so there’s a good chance he’ll see the article. But you want to make sure the article is intriguing and pointed enough for at least one mutual friend of yours to want to share it, just in case.
Direct the last bullet point in the article indirectly at him. So he found it and he read it, but there’s still a chance he doesn’t understand just how extremely over him you are. Use the final bullet point to explain that, in retrospect, there were things about the relationship that felt natural at the time, but you now realize the way he treated you was pretty messed up and you never think about him. Point out that he never understood or appreciated you deep down at your core level and you’ve completely moved on. Finally, just one last step: Make it super-clear.
You never think about him at all and you’re doing really great! See, Greg?