Nine Must-See Spots in Austin Cobbled Together from Memories and Dreams

Published In Reductress 1/27/15

Editor Disclaimer: Our travel reporter lost her notebook. Here’s what she could remember from her trip. From what we understand, these are mostly either vague memories or odd dreams she’s pieced together since a bout of food poisoning and anti-nausea medication clouded her memory of the events.

Austin is a city chock-full of live music, amazing food, and babies who can, for some reason, talk. It’s a great place to spend a long weekend exploring the various places and things that make Austin so decidedly Austin-like. Check out these can’t-miss highlights:

North 6th Street is the main thoroughfare of Austin nightlife and the heart of the city’s culture. Come for the bars and the shows, stay for the authentic Texas cowboy sightings. One is your dad but also a monster.

A must-see any time of year is Ladybird Lake. There’s a really nice restaurant that doesn’t seem to be on Google Maps where I thought it was, but you can taste the local flavors there, then wash it down with some local beers (also can’t recall the specifics, but real good), and then when you’re done, you go down a slide and you’re in bed.

A surprise delight in Austin is where I lost my notebook: the Lyndon B. Johnson Museum. If anyone sees a notebook there, please let me know. I keep calling. They have great displays of historical documents, clothing and items from the Johnson Whitehouse, and when you exit the museum, take a right. It’s not the museum but it is the museum, except it is the museum. But the museum is sort of underwater and everything’s moving very slowly. What do you think this means?

Another great area is where the vintage shopping is. There may be a store with the word “go-go” in it. “Ga-ga?” Just cross your high school track field to get there, a straight shot from downtown.

No trip to Austin would be complete without a tour of the Cathedral of Junk, a two-story monument made entirely of trash in an eccentric fellow’s backyard. Head a little further back to the other end of the lawn and see some sex stuff happening between Ryan Gosling and a guy from the gym.

I’m still not sure how my boyfriend Danny from the eighth grade ended up working at the original Whole Foods, but he looked great even though his face was blurred and inside a diamond cube.

There’s a great country music spot on North 6th and the name escapes me. It may have had “go-go” in it. I don’t remember what happened in that venue, but you were in it. You were definitely in it. I’m just realizing that now that I’m writing to you and it’s making me feel very weird.

The University of Texas at Austin campus offers endless fun to explore. I fell from the clock tower and was shocked awake. I think? I entered through a door that looked like an ear.

Finally, as a last stop in Austin, make your way to a cave with bats in it. I admit, this one is probably from a dream. But Lyndon B. Johnson was definitely there, because I asked him if he had my notebook and he said he’d keep an eye out. Be careful when the bats start biting you and LBJ has to fight them off with an umbrella that’s on fire.

So I hope you’ll visit some of these sites the next time you’re in Austin. It’s a really lovely city, even if the people there have vacant holes for faces.